I am getting a bit personal with this oneSunday, August 03, 2014
I usually don't do this. I usually do not go into my personal life on here but something happened to me this past week that honestly changed my life. Before I go into the details I need to start from the beginning. I grew up with a single mother, she is the most amazing person in the world, she is strong, fierce and a woman I will look up to for the rest of my life. But growing up I knew there was a part of my family that was missing and that was my father. My mom never told me i didn't have a father, in fact she was very open about telling that he did exist, but it wasn't until I was about 10 that she explain why he was not in our lives. I am the product of a marital affair. My father was married with three daughters and a wife.
Since I was 10 I knew that my father had another family and that was why he was never around. I knew exactly who he was, his name, where he lived, his kids names, all of it. But I never had the urge to meet him, not at that age at least. I was happy in my bubble, my life was great. I was never wanting for anything and my relationship with my mom is the way it is because of it, and I would never change that for the world. But when I was 16 i decided that it was time for me to meet him. He agreed and one sunny day we met at a diner and I thought this is it. This is the best that could happen. I know him, and he knows me. But he was also still married so I was still the secret no one knew about. I need to clarify that my moms side of the family knew everything, and honestly we never really brought it up, since some people in my family had a very big issue with where i came from. After I met my father things changed for me. I would see him occasionally and although it was awkward like you couldn't believe, it got better with time. I started to see where I got most of my personality from, which was weird. But i was happy.
About 4 years ago everything changed again. My fathers wife passed away (she was very sick) and so once I found that out I knew things would change again, but I honestly never thought it would get to the point I am at today. My mom and dad started to see each other again after that, and I honestly never had an opinion on it because my mom seemed really happy, and still does. But I knew my secrecy was still in place because of his daughters. They knew nothing about me, so when my mom would meet them she would say "my daughter" and make sure that there was no inkling that I was my fathers daughter. As the years past this became very hard for me because I would hear stories about my half-sisters and their kids knowing that I would probably never be in their lives. But that changed this week.
About a month ago my father told his kids about me. I knew this would be hard not only on him, but also on his daughters because they're finding out that they have another sister that they knew nothing about, and that I am 25. To be honest I was expecting them to hate me. I don't know why I thought this but I did. I thought I would represent something that they hated and therefore want nothing to do with me. I was also worried that they would hate my mother, because she honestly doesn't deserve it. Yes she had an affair with a married man, but she also never wanted to break up their marriage or their family. And so she stayed away, not asking for anything. But I was shocked when I got the news that they took the news fairly well, I mean obviously there was shock and disbelief but I found out they didn't hate me.
And so I thought ok this is good. I am no longer the secret and maybe one day i will meet them... and I was okay with waiting until they were ready. I mean this is not something you just jump into right away. They have kids to explain things to, they have to process this themselves. So I was expecting it to be years before I met any of them. But this weekend I got the best birthday present ever. I met one of my sisters.
I don't think I have ever been that nervous, not even on my wedding day. Different scenarios kept going through my head. What if she hates me? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if everything I wished for comes crumbling down on top of me? But I am happy to say that meeting her was probably the best birthday present I could have ever received. She was amazing, she was so sweet and we found out that we were both as nervous as the other. I honestly never thought I would see the day that I would meet my sisters. I have no idea what the future holds, but right now I am happier than I have been in a long time. This was something i have wished for since I was 10. Will everything go smoothly from now on? I have no idea, but at this point I don't care. There are a lot of things up in the air, but we're taking baby steps, and I could not be happier.